The initial opening scenes were too raw and serious. I didn’t feel there was enough of a theme that would recur throughout the documentary and it didn’t open up the story to the audience.
Within this section I feel I am closer to giving the audience an understanding of what the story is about, providing a context, place and theme within the first 30secs. This is important to set the audience for what will follow.
There is still more work to be done. The editing and flow could be cleaned up and also the effects honed to make for a more dream like introduction. Though not too seamless as a part of what I am trying to put across in the story is that there’s no such thing as perfection. Open thought into what perfection actually is? I like things that seem unfinished (though not this unfinished!) and have a uncertain quality to them. I would like to find a way to create pieces of my own work to reflect that in a positive way. A way that is still aesthetically pleasing, though gritty.